Girls’ Night In: How I Learned About My New Friends’ Bowel Movements

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July 29, 2014 by Keisha || The Girl Next Door is Black

Back in March I realized two things:

Photo cr: hmidweekpowerup.tumblr.com/

1. My personal life was like, “Hey girl, where you been?” My days seemed to consist of either being at work, thinking about work or recovering from the exhaustion of an intense workweek that left me so spent all I want nothing more than to recline on the couch, watching cartoon movies and other non-mentally taxing fare. In addition to that, most Thursday nights in the winter I played kickball with the company team. “I need to get a life!” I told my sister, N, during a phone chat. She chuckled. “I’m not insulting myself. I mean I actually need to get a life. This is pathetic. This isn’t me.”

2. A year and a half after moving to San Francisco, I kinda actually have some friends. Imagine that!

I decided to throw a party. Well…ok, not really a party, but a small gathering in my home – a place the size of one of Oprah’s walk-in closets at her Montecito ranch. A partini? A partito? Parties are even better with a theme so I settled on a “girl’s night in” since I’m acquainted with more women than men.

I used Paperless Post to send the online invitations.

For nine of the years I lived in L.A., I threw an annual post-holiday party. Sadly, the last two holiday seasons sailed by without an event. I didn’t know enough people to legitimize throwing a party.

Who would I have invited? The mailperson who insists on cramming grocery ads in my mailbox even though I have unsubscribed from the junk? (You are not fooling anyone by crossing out the apartment number!) The Spanish teacher whose class I took when I first moved here? Would he insist on conversing only in Spanish? My chatty, eccentric chiropractor? She’d be trying to recruit clients all night, no doubt. (“Stand here. Look in this mirror. Now, do you see how lopsided you are when you stand up straight?! It’s incredible, isn’t it? Come to my office; I’ll fix it! Life changing!”) Or maybe the inquisitive, cherub-cheeked young checker at my local grocery store who always comments when I buy Now & Laters, “Oh! I haven’t had these since I was a kid.” The same comment every time. Well, I still eat them because my one true addiction sugar. I’m trying to get the monkey off my back, but it’s clinging to me like Spanx! And anyway, I hate when people feel the need to make commentary on my purchases.

I bought a new bench for extra seating; it also functions as a storage space!

THE GUESTS
I limited the guest list to 12, including me. A mix of women I know from work, friends of friends that are now my friends, a few women I met thanks to Girlfriend Circles and friends from L.A. that now live here. A fun, diverse group of women in their early to mid-30s (and one late twenty-something).

Tip: I always invite more people to a party than my place can handle. Unless you’re throwing a “I’m handing out free cash and weed!” party, the acceptance rate will probably be around 60 – 70%. This is not a scientific figure, I just know this from experience throwing many events. Also, there are almost always last-minute cancellations.

THE SOUNDTRACK
Have you ever been to a party without music? I really don’t understand it. What kind of party is that? A wake?

DJ Keisha Keish streamed a mix of hip-hop, hip-pop & top 40, prompting song requests from the group and shameful admissions of liking music you know is offensive and sometimes downright misogynistic, but the beat is so damn good you can’t help yourself. See: almost anything by Juicy J.

This UE Mini Boom speaker is one of my best purchases in recent history. Love it!

BITES & BUBBLES
Inspired by friends who are avid Pinterest-projecters, I turned to the site to find ideas for the food and drink menu. I decided on a combination of fun finger foods like tangy barbecue meatballs, one “sophisticated” dish, recipe by Martha Stewart; and a bubbly, easy-to-make Kir Royale as the signature drink.

Tip: I saved prep time by shopping for most of the groceries on Instacart. Thanks to Google Shopping Express I also ordered party supplies online, including a couple of serving dishes I neglected to purchase and ordered the night before the partito for delivery the next morning.

Pepperoni Rolls

Creamy Pasta with Peas, recipe from Martha Stewart

For a healthy choice: a berry salad with a light sugar glaze and optional creme fraiche topping.

Marshmallow popcorn balls

Local beer

The wine station before the guests arrived

GAMES & GIGGLES
The partito gave me the perfect excuse to break out the Cards Against Humanity game given to me by my friend V on my last birthday.

The first player (The “Card Czar”) is determined by answering the question “Who pooped most recently?” Of course, this means as a group you have to actually talk about when you pooped. I learned more about my friend’s bowel movements than I could never have imagined or wanted to know.

“I think at like 10 this morning after breakfast?”
“I go every morning like clockwork!”
“If I don’t poop daily I get really cranky!”

Games and candy “tapas”

I know there are plenty of people who freely talk about shit, but I am not one of them. That’s between me, my toilet and my doctor if need be. It’s not that I am oooh-eeeewwwww-squealy-girly-noises about it all. I’m no stranger to poop. I’ve been in the business of litter box cleaning for far too long. It’s that I have an extremely vivid imagination and when I focus on a word or topic, I’m also seeing a corresponding image in my head and that’s just gross.

After titters, giggles and me being teased for the many faces of disgust I made each time someone said “poop” in any form, the game commenced.

We spent most of the evening talking and laughing, digressions in conversation alternating with each round of the game. Topics veering from secrets of aging well to the details of G’s recent engagement (“How did he ask?” “What a pretty ring!” “Were you surprised?”) and careers (one of my friends is a urologist which always fascinates people) and every single gal’s favorite topic: dating (blech).

I’d intended to have Magic Mike playing in the background. My friend E surprised me with the DVD for Valentine’s Day this year, knowing my uncharacteristic affinity (read: crush from afar of embarrassing proportions) for Channing Tatum. What a pal!. However, the WORST ELECTRONIC DEVICE I HAVE EVER PURCHASED aka my Blu Ray player wouldn’t play the movie. Gotdamn piece of nothing good.

Tip: Something inevitably will go wrong at a party; roll with it and adjust. Don’t freak out and be that host(ess).

The party wound down naturally after hours of belly laughing and too many champagne cocktails on my part. My guests left with smiles, new acquaintances made, good times had, exchanges of hugs and “We have to get together again soon!” As I closed the door behind the last guest just before midnight, I grinned with the satisfaction of successfully pulling off my first party in San Francisco.